avralivia

Once upon a time in a land far far away (well err Devon) a young girl came into being….

That was me, 34 years ago… such a long time I guess.  So many things have happened so many journeys have been taken.

Once I was the smartest girl at school, I did all my homework, I read all the junior books and all the senior ones before I was 9… So many books so little time.  Her thirst for knowledge was insatiable, as was her thirst for escape.  In books you time travel, journey afar, meet people you would never meet, slay dragons, climb mountains, build dreams.

Years later  the girl was taken away from her grandmother who she loved like no-one else, she was tortured and knocked down by life, and she changed, she stopped doing her homework, she lost the will to do anything, she still read, but they were empty words, empty books with no meaning, she became more and more withdrawn, and she started to seek ways to make her feel better, she started to lie all the time, and to steal from shops, they gave her a buzz a control she had lost.  And when she could she started going to the cinema, every week she went, watching movie after movie, all kinds of films, anything she could get in to see… to escape for a moment in time, to live the life of the people in front of her, as she sat there in those darkened theatres she became the people she saw, felt them, left the cinema with something different in her darkened heart for a while….

Shoot to three years later, the girl is sat at home she has no friends at school, they all think she is stupid because she hasn’t bothered to tell anyone any different in a long time… she feels panic rise in her stomach, a red mist rises  behind her eyes she knows she has to fight it, this stupid life of hers, she has to get back the control she had… she gets dressed up in the clothes she stole all black, puts on her makeup, brushes out her long dark hair, and she almost faints…. She tries not to be sick, the room spins, then she does it, she goes out, she goes to the place she knows all the teenagers go,… she starts to socialise, for months it made her sick to the stomach to do it…. But…

2 years later she is in the café up from the school with her friends, she’s skipped out of school to play gin rummy, drink tea, and smoke rollups, we are laughing, they’re all mad my friends all older than me, all different, we all get on.. Because we do.. There’s no real commonality apart from the fact that none of us fit… were outsiders, so we stick together.  At weekends I have a part time job, that pays for my food, and drink and drugs, yes I know the devils work….  My mother is so mental by this point I rarely go home, I stay nights at a friends house, she had a child when she was 15, most people think she’s stupid and must be a crap mother… stereotypes eh?  I have never in my life then or since met a better more loving mother in my life.  I now do ok at school, they know im intelligent, but it pisses them off I don’t try harder, I just muddle through on what I can remember from lessons and books, quite well though lol.

I have a boyfriend, but I don’t understand what its about… I go through the motions, then I dump him, and date his friend, then I dump him and date his best friend, none of them get to bed me though I gave my virginity to a friend of a friend one dark night, we rolled about on the floor of his parents house living room floor, after I thought, well that’s out the way, nasty virginity lol. Oh and it was crap, but at least id given it to someone it didn’t matter with right?  Because I always had to be insular let no-one get me, no-one understand me… the walls I made were vulnerable but I didn’t let anyone know that did I?

One day my mum pissed me off more than normal we fought, and she told me to leave so I did… I didn’t talk to her for the next three years, seems she thought I would come begging the next day? She didn’t know me atall huh? Lol, I went to college to study art… did I mention my art? Oops, well every day since I was able to pick up a crayon it had been my passion my love, I had talent and I wanted to explore it, take it to new realms blah blah… course I was still getting wasted every day so I could bear living with being me.

I got through college, met some interesting people… moved on

Found myself at university…. Ohh THAT’S a long story Ill save that till another day

Time slips, I pause inside, my minds turning slowly… i forget all thats around me as the tiredness seeps through my sleepy bones, mind drifts, turns, wanders… suddenly im in a warm place surrounded by quiet, im drifting further, then a word comes to me, strawberry strawberry strawberry, I feel my body flex inside i start to feel a build up, and suddenly i release, im silent, in my own bubble… i hear no-one see nothing, theres just me sat in my bubble…cumming …. mmmmm

I start to come back to reality, time slides faster, the warmth fades… and back to reality, sat at my desk at work, files and paperwork around me, my computer waiting for me to come back, my friends and colleagues around me totally oblivious…

Mmmm delicious secret pleasures…. (rest of the day I was rather witty and funny, made my friend laugh so much she cried, and got loads of work done .. hehe)

I don’t know where to start about this weekend…

I had a great time with master, we chatted, watched films, oh and listened to about 5 hours of music in one sitting lol, got to see The Prophesy 2 and 3, how cool are those films? Got drunk on vodka a lot, including master falling asleep on the sofa after a bit too much alcohol and not enough sleep lol.

Unlike the first weekend where it was very very intense we kinda pottered along enjoying each others company, oh and some VERY good rampant sex on Friday night after I got mega horny after lots of vodka and begged him to take me to bed and ravage me hehehe

I have got a multitude of VERY nasty scratches all over me from where he dragged his razor sharp nails across my arms and back, not all at once, just catching me of guard now and then haha, I did get used to them after a day of it though, and started thinking to myself, hmm not another bloody scratch lol… cant really help how my mind works like that I’m afraid!

So its lunchtime on Sunday… and he told me the night before he was going to do something that would blow me away before I left… I thought it was going to be a proper flogging as he had mentioned it a couple of times….

So there I am stood at his feet naked waiting to be told what to do, shiver down my spine as I wonder….

He moves the coffee table to the middle of the room (its big :P) and asks me to cover it with the furry throw… I do so, a quiver in my stomach wondering what’s going to happen, excitement and dread rising in me….

I kneel in front of him and he puts a latex hood on me, and then the black gas mask mmm… toys with me a little, breath play mmmmm.

He tells me where to step, guides me to the table, and I lay down on it, my breathing quickens, my mind racing….

My legs dangle over the end arching my back, my head on a cushion at the top, my pussy exposed and open to abuse, my breasts pressing upwards.

He ties my legs first, wrapping the rope round and round each ankle individually then securing them to the table legs, my toes can just rest on the floor… Then my wrists are tethered in a similar fashion, tied to down beside me. I feel exposed and vulnerable…. So very vulnerable..

Then he starts to push the flex vibrator inside me, and I cant help it I cant stop it, I panic, I try and calm myself its only small, but sometimes I just cant handle it, and I am sore, and I feel so vulnerable… I know I can trust him but every time he moves it inside me I cant relax I cant breath I cant think of anything but it getting out of me… then he leaves it inside of me just buzzing and I start to calm down… I feel him attach the pads off the tens to my tits, on either side of my nipples, and he turns it on, I cant see, all I can do is feel, the maddening electricity, it toys with my mind, makes me struggle for breath until I become used to the sensation..

Then he leaves me a long for a bit, getting used to the sensations, leaving me to get into the right place in my head….

I don’t know what is to come but I know this will be far from it!

Then he’s back, and he starts playing with the vibrator in me… but I cant handle it, the complete vulnerability I know he could push it too far, that he could really hurt me, its so long… and I feel vulnerable as I started to bleed a little the day before… my head explodes and I’m crying sobbing screaming at him that I cant handle it for him to stop… of course he does… I’m not crying wolf, I just couldn’t take it, it was the wrong day, the wrong time to push me in that way…

And then after he has calmed me right down, he is beside me I hear his voice soothing me in my ear… he counts down with me, 10,9,8.…7…6,5,4,3,2,1, after each number we say I breath deeply after a few times I am calm again… I am me, I feel calm and trusting again. I hear a rustle from above me to the right, and THEN I know what he is going to do, it rushed to me, I start to panic again, but in a split second he is there calming me, he asks me why I’m panicking, and I cant say it, I cant bring myself to say I know what he is going to do….

He counts down with me again, tells me how special I am that he would never do me any real harm, and I know its true… I trust him… with my life..

And then as I’m counting I feel it, the sharp feeling the rush of sensation, so focused on one spot. I knew I was right, I knew this is what he was going to do… the phobia kicks in again, and I struggle against the idea I start to panic, but he is there calming me with his voice, and the second sharp sensation I feel I start to calm down, and to realise how it feels, that along with the sharp there is a good feeling a euphoria rising within me, he does it again, the sensations seem so little especially compared to the tens still working its magic on my other tit, and then that’s it I’m gone, I start to feel a rush a little high…. And another needle goes in, then the tens is switched to the other side, and there it is again, his voice his presence near me almost forgotten, all I can feel is the sensations and the rush within me, I’m started to float now, really float and I’m gone far away, the high is incredible the sensations so good, and I’m beyond calm I’m in that place, THAT place, and it feels so good…..

Suddenly he has stopped and he says he’s going to take the mask off to show me, I am frightened to look, but of course I don’t have a choice ;), and as he takes the hood off I see them a line of three perfect needles across the top of my tits three on each side, it looks so alien, so strange, and I feel so proud, so sure that I can more than handle the needles, that they have no power over me anymore, the pleasure I felt was delicious and I just wanted more…..more…..

Of course now what has to happen? take them out… panic panic.. whill it hurt more etc…. he tells me it wont hurt that taking the tens off will sting more and i relax again… and he pulls the first one out… omg! the endorphin rush is huge.. i feel high higher than before, he pulls the first three out fairly smoothly and quickly… and i enjoy the rush it gives me…. then on the other side he hooks it in and pulls it out upwards and mmm its so orgasmic, better than an orgasm hehe, he asks if i want it out the normal way, or to hook it, i hesitate and ask him to drag the last two out, and i shudder with pleasure as he does it….

He releases me from my bonds… and I start to sit up, I sit at the end of the table for a while and he gives me some space, I stand eventually, and I’m still flying I feel high as a kite, better than drugs better than sex, this was amazing, truly amazing, I felt so good.

He says I’m a needle bunny now *grins* and yes, I think I am….. Mmmmm

I was out of it still for the hour I had before I left, he let me have some alone time and I read the book he’d leant me, and listened to some music, my mind floating somewhere else somewhere good, but totally focused on what I was doing….

We leave for the station and we say goodbye, he kisses my cheek tenderly and then he makes me cum, right there on the corner by the station… he says my magic word and mmm it feels so good, I have no shame I just enjoy as the pleasure floods my system, and then he’s gone and I look back watching him go, and I want to say something, I don’t know what, thank you? It seems such a small word… I said nothing there was nothing I could say… and I knew he already knew.

The train took an hour and a half and I came round out of my euphoria a little during the course, I finally came round 20 minutes before I got home… and mmm I felt SO alive again.

What will happen next time? Mmm I have no idea but I know it will be the unexpected!!!

Oh and more needles maybe…… mmmmm